Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave

Dear people that are living in my new house,

I know it's been your house for five years and you have lots of crap to pack, but get out! I need it now. I can't wait the two weeks until I move in. This dear, loving, charming, apartment is going to kill me. The washer holds the equivalent of 5 socks, which means I NEVER have clean laundry... ever! The dishwasher does not clean the food, the stove has one burner that sparks and smokes... and well, we've all seen the microwave. Did I mention the bed that makes you sweat all night and creaks whenever you breathe? Yeah, not condusive to a marriage. And the matchbox bathroom that has to house 4 of us, one who is potty training and runs in there all the time, and one that likes to take his sweet time in there like it's a vacation. Yeah, I'm gonna need you people to get your crap and get out of my house...

I long for your big yard with grass. Your two staircases that will entertain my kids for hours, not to mention wear them out. For your space that will allow me to think without hearing some cartoon in my background noise.. For your multiple potties and a land line phone.... Not to even mention the luxuries of DVR, my own bed, and a microwave with buttons.

Thank you, and get out!