Wednesday, November 18, 2009

10 seconds is a long damn time

You know when you have one of those rocking nights that just make you happy to be alive? Just in love with you husband, in love with your kids, just feeling like you got it all together? I love those nights!

This is the story about how 10 seconds can change one of those nights, into a, "Holy Heck! I am soooo done! No one speak to me, no one touch me, no one even look in my direction! As far as you are concerned Mommy Doesn't Live Here Anymore!!!!"

So the night was all swell. I had on my apron, hair fresh out of curlers and life was in black and white. The kids helped me make an apple cake, there was no screaming, no dumping of flour, just good old homemade goodness. It was perfect.

Hubby walks in the door with his, "Honey, I'm home!" and we all run to hug and kiss him.

Dinner was delicious, we sat as a family eating, laughing, talking. There were no burps to be heard, no toots at the table, not even a crumb on the floor.

We ate our delicious apple cake with smiles on our faces.

And with goodness in our pea picking hearts, we even shared half of the cake with friends. We drove to their house with glowing faces and sunshine coming straight out of our rears to share our goodness. Yes, we were the perfect family! It was glorious.


Husband and I double team getting the kids to bed. With a wink of our eye and a twitch of our noses, we knew this was gonna be an easy one. Our night would soon be free!

But then... hubs pulls son's shirt over his head, only it didn't quite clear his nose and the child starts screaming his head off. (start your timers, here's where the 10 seconds starts!) I try to help only to pull it harder. Said child runs screaming down the hall to "check out his ouchie in the mirror." Daughter tries to help, and gets shoved by young child. Father tries to say sorry and is met with a response of cries and screams and coughs. Me, who's just sitting there, gets to be the lucky one to hold the crazy, screaming, coughing child.

So I hold.

And he coughs.

and coughs.

and coughs.

And then, and then, and then... He throws up in my face. As in, all over my entire face. and on top of my hair. And down my shoulder all the way to my hand. And on my pants. Did I mention my face? Yeah, he THREW UP ON MY FACE!

And my black and white wonderful world suddenly turned very... um.. colorful. (turns out when you think your kid didn't eat enough dinner, you find out the hard way, he did.)

So the wonderful night ended with a shower for me, a bath for the child. Scrubbing tacos out of my newly shampooed carpet, washing our clothes, and waiting with child for his special blanket to wash and dry before going to be. Did I mention he threw up in my face???


Kameron said...

That is the worst!! My son always seems to puke right on me!! Ugh.

Tinika said...

I didn't even see that one coming! Ohmygah. Nothing like mothering, is there?

becca said...

Ok, yeah, that is pretty horrendous! YUCK! I just wrote recently about my daughter pooping all over me and everything (she's almost 5!) since she refused to move her face from the toilet thinking she was going to puke. Ah, the joys of all we call mommyhood.

Hope you can laugh at it now!

Nikki B. said... should give him up for adoption! that is the unforgivable sin!! there is no other option!

obladi oblada said... the face? I cant imagine how horrible that would be..and tacos too? Spicy puke, nice.

Heres hoping you have a better night tonight.

Ali said...

We had tacos last night. And I had a little trouble pulling my 5 yr old's hoodie over his head. But thankfully all I had to endure was squirming and whining and no one throwing up in my face! You have my sympathies!

Danielle (Life with the Hewitt Family) said...

Your poor thing! Why is it always the mom. I have been thrown up on so many times...although thankfully never iterally in my face.

M said...

I think you jinxed yourself with the title of the last post.

Beth said...

I'm a little behind in my bloggy reading, but THAT was a good story! Disgusting, but funny! I'm glad I took the time to catch up!

heidi said...

*gag* Um...*gag*

Tell me your mouth was closed.