Thursday, May 7, 2009

A day in the life...

A peek into my day. You know, for my therapist to see WHY I am the way I am...for my sponsor to see WHY I drink.

Kidding

Kidding

But y'all, I can't make this stuff up.

4:02 Take toddler to bathroom. Laughs as he tells me he peed his pull up. The proceeds to pee on the outside of the toilet.

4:07 Clean up piss, let small child run around without pull up because he screamed and got away faster than this fat lady can chase him, especially with the risk of slipping in pee.

4:08 Go for Tequila cabinet

4:12 Toddler dumps cat food in cat water and lets it soak.

4:17 Toddler smashes wet food in hands, dumps rest on floor and runs through it dragging it through the house.

4:18 Contemplate running away.

4:25 I attempt to clean up cat food that is smeared all over the tile, trying again not to slip in anything. Realizing that I just used the last of the paper towels on the pee in the bathroom.

4:30 Toddler climbs in a laundry basket full of clean clothes and squats. He pees all over the clothes.

4:31 Ponder joining the circus.

4:40 Get pull up on child. Husband calls on his way home from work to see how the day went and what's for supper. (Ha hahahaha, really?)

4:45 Cry on phone with husband while he laughs about how funny it all sounds.

4:46 Contemplate divorce.

5:00 See toddler under dining room table. Investigate and find out he's attempting to clean up cat puke with one toilet paper square.

5:02 Priceline plane ticket to ... anywhere.

5:05 Help toddler with cat puke by crawling under table with him.

5:08 Toddler gets more toilet paper from bathroom. Doesn't break it off and leaves a trail running through the house of TP to dining room.

5:10 Husband comes home to find my big arse in the air, my head under the table, covered in cat puke and kid pee, and string of TP everywhere.

5:10 Husband takes over... I break open the wine.

THE END

17 comments:

Nikki B. said...

yup...that sounds about right!

Alicia said...

Oh, dear!

Kameron said...

Ok, you are making me greatful for daycare right now.

Sara said...

Shouldn't this one be titled "Sh#@*y Day" too?

Danielle (Life with the Hewitt Family) said...

All of that in a hour? Poor girl! What a rough time. Glad you were able to get a break from all of that!

Cammie said...

been there. drank that.

heidi said...

At least he took over for ya! Mine would've snuck up the stairs and pretended he wasn't home. LOL

Tiffany @ Paging Doctor Mommy said...

Oh my... this was great! You had me at "for my sponsor to see WHY I drink" and I didn't stop laughing until the end. Probably because I felt like I was reading a script from my own life! Except I don't have a cat. But I do have a dog that is probably smaller than your cat!

M said...

Can I come over and watch?

Nicole said...

I'll trade you. My son was suspended from school twice this week!

Mother Goose said...

OH no, I swear I have had days like this! will you please tune me in to the same channel tomorrow. I'll get the popcorn.

Shelly said...

glad i am not the only one that throws the kids to the husband when he walks in the door and cracks open a bottle of wine from time to time!

~~Mel~~ said...

Oh what a joy toddlers are...aren't they??? lol.

Domestic Diva said...

AMEN Sister! Happy Mother's day and thank God for wine!! It seems like all of us have had one of those weeks. FULL MOON!!
I always blame it on that.
xxxxxx me

obladi oblada said...

Wow...did you drink the whole bottle? I would have....sounds like fun.

kristi said...

Yeah, Shitty Day part 2.

mes petit choux said...

Oh my gosh you had me laughing outloud! A well deserved glass o' vino!