A peek into my day. You know, for my therapist to see WHY I am the way I am...for my sponsor to see WHY I drink.
But y'all, I can't make this stuff up.
4:02 Take toddler to bathroom. Laughs as he tells me he peed his pull up. The proceeds to pee on the outside of the toilet.
4:07 Clean up piss, let small child run around without pull up because he screamed and got away faster than this fat lady can chase him, especially with the risk of slipping in pee.
4:08 Go for Tequila cabinet
4:12 Toddler dumps cat food in cat water and lets it soak.
4:17 Toddler smashes wet food in hands, dumps rest on floor and runs through it dragging it through the house.
4:18 Contemplate running away.
4:25 I attempt to clean up cat food that is smeared all over the tile, trying again not to slip in anything. Realizing that I just used the last of the paper towels on the pee in the bathroom.
4:30 Toddler climbs in a laundry basket full of clean clothes and squats. He pees all over the clothes.
4:31 Ponder joining the circus.
4:40 Get pull up on child. Husband calls on his way home from work to see how the day went and what's for supper. (Ha hahahaha, really?)
4:45 Cry on phone with husband while he laughs about how funny it all sounds.
4:46 Contemplate divorce.
5:00 See toddler under dining room table. Investigate and find out he's attempting to clean up cat puke with one toilet paper square.
5:02 Priceline plane ticket to ... anywhere.
5:05 Help toddler with cat puke by crawling under table with him.
5:08 Toddler gets more toilet paper from bathroom. Doesn't break it off and leaves a trail running through the house of TP to dining room.
5:10 Husband comes home to find my big arse in the air, my head under the table, covered in cat puke and kid pee, and string of TP everywhere.
5:10 Husband takes over... I break open the wine.
Earning My Punishments
17 hours ago