I did NOT get a bag of Red Hots from a friend and proceed to eat half the bag while sitting through a meeting. I did not then go seeking that delicious bag of cinnamon goodness the next day in my van only to find it spilled all over the back floorboard. I then did not cry out loud, wedge myself between two car seats and scrape up every last one of those off the floor and eat them. Come on people, that is nasty!
I did not get hit in the eyelid with my son's sticky sucker while getting him out of the car, only to find my eyelid sticking to itself leaving me unable to blink the entire time in the grocery store.
I did not listen to my 2 year old's begging for me to get into his tent with him only to get stuck halfway through the opening and my arse hanging out the back. I then did not shimmy into the tent and sit there for 30 min. burping up coke just to hear him laugh his head off.
I did not (truly did not, but my sister did, and I MUST say it) go to a restaurant with someone who had a colostomy bag. The bag did not BREAK and spill leaving a smelly trail throughout the restaurant. That is just something that does not happen, seriously.