My Not Me's:
*Drum roll Please*
I did not nearly fall on my derier twice sliding on the ice and scream, "Sh@#!" Very loudly in front of a ton of other moms and their small children. Come on, even I have more class than that.
I did not watch my son dive head first over the pew at church and into the one behind us. Whoever has such unruly children should really think about using the nursery.
I did not take "said child" to communion at church and then have him run back up the isle screaming "More" (for the bread) like his parents don't feed him. I feed my children plenty, no need for MY child to do such silliness.
I did not have to tell a police officer, "No sir, I only saw his crack." What kind of story would I be telling if I had to say that to law enforcement? (FYI If you do want to hear the "fictitious" story, feel free to email me, that is if you DON'T live in the same town. If you do, I ain't tellin' cause if I was the parent of said person, I would NOT want it getting out all over town.)
I did not literally RUN around my house trying to stuff fudge in my mouth before my children caught me and made me share. I have so much more discipline than that. I don't even like fudge.
I did not put on new BLUE eyeshadow that made me look like a $25 hooker, and still leave the house to go to 3 parties. I use to sell Mary Kay, I know my colors and blue ain't one of them.
I did not convince my husband NOT to fix the oven until AFTER Christmas so I didn't have to bake cookies, cakes, pies or even dinner. I love all the festive baking and am so sorry I missed it all.
I certainly would never post a picture of a naked Santa on my blog. How tacky could you get?