Monday, December 22, 2008

Who me? Not me!

Ok, ok, because I am a sucker for your flattering comments. I will once again grace you with my stupidities this week. I think I should make you all buttons for my site that says "I'm with stupid" and have it link back to me. Hahahaha.

Anywhooooo....

My Not Me's:
*Drum roll Please*


I did not nearly fall on my derier twice sliding on the ice and scream, "Sh@#!" Very loudly in front of a ton of other moms and their small children. Come on, even I have more class than that.

I did not watch my son dive head first over the pew at church and into the one behind us. Whoever has such unruly children should really think about using the nursery.

I did not take "said child" to communion at church and then have him run back up the isle screaming "More" (for the bread) like his parents don't feed him. I feed my children plenty, no need for MY child to do such silliness.

I did not have to tell a police officer, "No sir, I only saw his crack." What kind of story would I be telling if I had to say that to law enforcement? (FYI If you do want to hear the "fictitious" story, feel free to email me, that is if you DON'T live in the same town. If you do, I ain't tellin' cause if I was the parent of said person, I would NOT want it getting out all over town.)

I did not literally RUN around my house trying to stuff fudge in my mouth before my children caught me and made me share. I have so much more discipline than that. I don't even like fudge.

I did not put on new BLUE eyeshadow that made me look like a $25 hooker, and still leave the house to go to 3 parties. I use to sell Mary Kay, I know my colors and blue ain't one of them.

I did not convince my husband NOT to fix the oven until AFTER Christmas so I didn't have to bake cookies, cakes, pies or even dinner. I love all the festive baking and am so sorry I missed it all.

I certainly would never post a picture of a naked Santa on my blog. How tacky could you get?

15 comments:

Jean said...

I love these! I may have to do my share eventually. Though I am such an awesome mom that really it would be pointless to document my innocence. ppshaw..

Junita said...

I occasionally buy into the hype that says blue eyeshadow is the new taupe- they are always lying to me! And I am already convinced Monkey's first word will rhyme with YUK! Happy Holidays!

Mrs B said...

Those are awesome! You totally have to post the story or you can email me at BellesMyGirl@GMail.com. I love when you tell stories...you could write a book...hey, I'd buy...as soon a Half Priced Books had it in stock! :)

Have a wonderful Christmas!

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You had me cracking up at all of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kameron said...

The "I'm with stupid" comment had me dying! You always crack me up girl! Thanks for giving me even more comic relief...oh and I will be expecting a fully detailed story about the cop, since i live in RI and all!

sheila said...

LOL, I wouldn't share my fudge either. No way. No how.

I would also never take my kid snowboarding when it was 14 degrees outside either.

Nicole said...

You don't have to admit anything! Blue eyeshadow? Hee Hee I'm guilty of that one too!

*Keli* said...

Hilarious! Love all of them especially your little boy running back for more bread! haahaha! And Heidi...blue eyeshadow???? xo

M said...

Oh my. Poor hungry little boy...maybe if you'd hooked him up with some fudge before church he wouldn't have to beg.

Reese said...

Who likes/loves fudge? Certainly not us??? That totally had me cracking up while reading your Not Me Monday post! ...also, I'm sure many of us are going to be VERY curious about your story involving a police officer and a comment about seeing crack. HA HA!!!! Thanks for sharing!

Patrice said...

LOL! These are too funny! You have great one's this week!
I gave you a special shout out today on my 100th post so check it out when you can :)

Cammie said...

visiting from Patrice's blog...loved your not me's!

heidi said...

A $25 hooker!! HA!!! LOL I went for a pro-makeover once and she did bllue eyeshadow and liner. Oy vey.

Uh...you saw crack?

Thanks for your prayers - I appreciate them. Yk what's funny? I make the kids pray for things because I think they have a more direct line to God and their prayers are harder to turn down than mine. Think God's on to me yet? ;-)

Jennifer said...

YOU CRACK ME UP--FUNNY STUFF HERE.

AnneYarbs79 said...

Are you my long-lost twin!?! Hilarious!