Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Football Ritual

As I sit here watching my man do what thousands of men do every weekend, I am flabbergasted at the power that this game has over him. It starts early in the week with nightly conversations of who has got to beat whom to be able to go to this bowl game or that. I nod my head and throw in enough "yeah, really's?" To satisfy his manly desire to have his wife care or even remotely understand what the hell he's talking about. You tell me if they are the guys in the white pants or the blue ones and I may follow you better. FYI< don't wear the white, protest as much as possible. I am always amazed at the whole jock strap line and why their designers did not know this.

And after the week long study session on the game, they stats, the players... game day approaches. This means that the ENTIRE family must wear the appropriate colors, preferably in netting, as in jersey. Never mind we have a wedding to go to, by golly, it's Saturday and we will all be in Red & Black! This is the first step in the child brainwashing section of the ritual. I think men breed just to have spawn to teach chants and hand signals to on game days. IE: My children now repeat,"Get your guns up." Which it totally legitimate in Lubbock, TX, but Indiana is another story. Not so well received from the outside world.



Follow the attire with the ceremonially hanging of the flag on the front of the house. Side note: We will actually hang a college flag on our house, but have yet to string one Christmas light... Ever! Is it really that much harder?



But I do think the game has a seriously overbearing control over his mind when we are changing shirts in the 2nd quarter to "Change things up a bit." I never see him do this when we are in a fight. Just change shirts and see if things go a little smoother, a little more in his favor. Maybe that's what I should start doing. You know, I take my shirt off, he loses concentration of what we are fighting about and argument diverted. I totally think it would work.

Now, I don't mean to sound like a prissy wife who doesn't enjoy a little football. I do, I am right there fist pounding, chest bumping, beer drinking, but the build up. The life consuming ways of man just elude me. The scaring the crap out of the cat, and frankly making me inch a bit closer to the door is unnerving.

But for better or worse, that's what the priest said, I will continue to nod my head, wear my colors and chase it all down with some Bud Light. But I am wondering, will he do the same for me on Black Friday?

12 comments:

Jill said...

You kill me! Hysterical!
BTW...I think the whole taking off your shirt during an arguement might work for ALL of us women...I mean, they ARE men anyways....
Thanks for the laugh!

Shannon (muzbeecrazy.com) said...

This post had me laughing! I feel your pain. We have the Penn State stuff on Saturdays and then have to do it all over again on Sunday with the Eagles! When is football season over???

Rebekah said...

LOL- Yeah, I think you could win any argument by removing your shirt.

I dont get the whole build up, big deal thing either. I like sports, but if my team loses, I dont have a bad week. I know a guy that will call in sick on Monday if his team loses.

Junita said...

I can't even begin to describe the antics my husband goes through on game day....I wish just taking off a shirt was were it ended...I wish it ended with football season!

Alicia said...

Oh, this was just too funny!! Thank you so much for the laugh. I LOVE the idea about taking off your shirt in the middle of an argument. I'm going to have to try that. I would have tried that last night except we were on the phone, and I don't think it would have worked. Of, course, I could have just TOLD him I took it off. He would have still gone all stupid and speechless. Thanks again for the laughter!!

Jean said...

LMAO!

Did you guys have a small memorial service this morning? I am so very very sorry about last night. Just let your husband know that it's nothing personal, just business. :)

I hope you can remain my blog buddy after that game last night.

sheila said...

Yeah, we're Browns fans...so my husband just screams at the television every week. Guess what he's doing right this very minute? Here's a clue: It's sunday at 1:50pm.

Yep. Screaming.

Heather of the EO said...

I JUST said something similar on twitter- my husband gets even louder when the TV is on some crisp HD setting. SO LOUD. In our house, the dog hides (and so do I)

Then I read this post and had a good laugh. I totally get it. aaaaah!

Mommy Daisy said...

I'm betting your husband is currently in mourning. Football is a funny thing. I used to watch it with my dad (that's what happens when it's all girls in the house), and my dad got my husband started on it (his family didn't watch football). Now I must endure it here. But I do enjoy watching it and getting into it too. I'm more likely to stay up late to see the outcome of a game (even not my team) than he is. In fact I was up late watching the outcome of the Texas/Texas Tech game a few weeks ago. And we root for the Buckeyes here.

Also, I love the taking the shirt off idea. Brilliant.

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh..you are just hilarious!!!!

Your posts always make me smile! I love your humor!!

Laural Out Loud said...

I grunt a lot on the weekends, trying to fool my husband into thinking I'm listening to his sports talk, lol. He's Brasilian, and loves soccer. Me? Not so much. And I hate his life sized soccer team flag (he needs a man room so he can get it out of my living space!). I'm thinking it really must be genetic. You know, something to replace that lust to go out and fight for land, since we don't really do that anymore.

Heidi said...

Hi there,
Not really sure how I found your blog but your name Heidi caught my eye then this post had me laughing. Were here in lubbock and it was a sad day, Im sure your husband was devistated.