Sunday, November 30, 2008

Another mouse tale

So you already know the story of the mouse and the chicken shit. Well, did you hear the one about the cat, the mouse and the stand off? No? Well, it goes like this. The fat ferocious cat of mine decided she liked the taste of blood, maybe she's a Twilight cat & needs it, I don't know. But for whatever reason, the little twit goes out and fetches her a bigger, badder, mouse. And proceeds to bring it to the back door. You know, the one connected to the KITCHEN!!!! Where I eat!

Huge mouse in her mouth, just as proud as a peacock begging for me to let her in. You must be high Clarie, I am not letting you bring that in my house. So she waits... and waits... and waits. She puts it down, walks away... waits... picks it back up. All the time I am freaking. I can't help but keep thinking this is God's diet plan for me. If Atkins and South Beach aren't going to work, he's just going to make my ass get smaller by sending dead mice to me every mealtime. It is working, I will have to say.

Well, I finally get her in the house minus the prey. All is well. Heroic husband comes in and disposes of said mouse. Of course not without a helping of "you are such a girl... " comments. Whatever honey, I can take your smack, I just can't take that 3 inches of mouse you got in your hand. But we are all good, until....

Fast forward to 2 hours later, outside garage doors open, cat outside and my daughter opens the door to the garage. Can you guess what happens next? Can ya, can ya? I bet you can! Yeah, the cat FINALLY got her way. After 3 tries she brings one of those damn dead mice INTO my house! Into my dining room, and I swear she was smiling. No kidding, there was a Cheshire, shit eating grin on that cat's face! So as I start gagging and reaching for the phone to call the realtor. Because really, how do you live in a house that has had a dead mouse laying in it? My husband uses words the children shouldn't hear and my daughter is screaming, "It's still alive!" (Which, thank goodness, it was not.) It was not a pretty sight. I say this because the whole scene caused my son to just stand there in amazement wondering what the hell happened to his family.

Well, again, heroic husband got the mouse out. This time without any snide comments directed at me. And the cat, you ask,well,...the cat is on house arrest until further notice.

16 comments:

Jillene said...

HOLY CRAP!! I would have crapped a brick!!

K and/or K said...

I swear they are smarter than we think and they play games with us for fun! Maybe the cat wants blog time?

Kameron said...

Cats are pure evil. Mine scratched my baby's sweet cheek this evening! If she brings home a mouse, it will be the last straw...she's outta here!

Nicole said...

My cat used to bring mice home all of the time! I was told they are bringing you a gift when they leave it on the door step. Um yeah, I don't know about that. I HATE mice.

Heather said...

OH my gosh, I love it!!! Not that I love you wanting to evacuate your house ASAP, but your mouse antics are hilarious. Love the Twilight reference!!

We used to have a cat door in our old house, so our cats could go in and out. After coming home on three separate ocassions to DEAD BIRDS (feathers everywhere!), we closed the cat door. Forever. I don't know why we waited so long either. Yuck. Ewww. Gives me shivers just thinking about it!

obladi oblada said...

Funny! We just acquired some evil catness at our house too, my dogs are hating her, and me because I brought her here! I like your blog, BTW!!

Suzie said...

Gross but I would love to have a mouser cat like that in my house. I need one. Wanna rent him out?

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!! Maybe I don't miss our old neighborhood!

Meme said...

You are hilarious! Don't know how I found your blog, but glad I did. Now I just need to find the time to actually read more posts. We have moved more times than I can count in about the same time as you. Thank God for the Happy Bucket! (that would be frozen margaritas in the freezer).

Mother Goose said...

oh my gosh!!! too freakin' funny! so glad it was you and not me! I would be having a fit and hyperventilating.

sheila said...

Holy Shit! That's wild! Great descriptive post! My neighbor has a cat that catchs birds and then hides them in his bird cemetery under a bush in their front yard. Weird. Never eats them. What a waste of a good bird.

But I think I'd faint over what your cat is doing! OMG! Stay strong! lol

One Mom said...

I am told that your cat is just providing for you, her family. I think she means well :) Fortunately, our cat just left our provisions at the deck door and never brought them in. Your cat must love you more!

Angela said...

I would be calling my husband from work.
Help!

Good luck with that

heidi said...

LOL Oh my word..LOL

Keli said...

OMGOSH! I would have freaked!!! It happended to me too! I had a cat that brought me a mouse, it wasn't dead. She was just teasing it! She would drop it and let it run a little bit and then pounce again! UGH! I was on top of the footstool the whole time until hubby could catch them both!

Kerri said...

Can I PLEASE borrow your cat? I have mice in my house and two useless cats!!!! :)