Tuesday, October 21, 2008

You're going to poke someone's eye out

I'm going blind in one eye. If my kids keep up their secret pact to make mom blind in one eye so I don't see what they are doing, I am going to totally go blind. This past week I have been
*Hit in the eye with the corner of a Dr. Seuss book. (OUCH) just be cause, God forbid, it was the wrong book at nap time. Their are nicer ways to say it than to make mom's eye bleed.
* Had a sweet, depth perception deficient daughter try to get a piece of hair out of my eye only to strike me with her super long nail right in the retina. Her mother should sooo start looking into getting clippers after those claws.
* Had a large toddler wrestle away from me while I am putting a choke hold on him to keep him from running into the street, only to get elbowed right in the socket

I am thinking of investing in some protective wear, kinda like what those NBA stars are always sporting out on the court. I mean there should be some kind of gear for parenting. Snot resistant clothing, protective eyewear, hats that keep hair from being pulled, earplugs for tantrums, hard sole shoes for small toys that sneak under my feet and make me says words I haven't said in years. I am going to create a Mommy HazMat outfit complete with cute characters on the front, kinda like the great scrubs I see everywhere. (sidenote: I am totally thinking of posing like a nurse just to wear scrubs all day.) But if you are interested in my Mommy Protective Suit it will be in stores Spring 2009, early registration will be considered for close friends.


Rebekah said...

and we tell our kids to put on helmets when they ride bikes.

Suzie was sitting on my lap one day and threw her head back. She hit me right below the eye and I swear, I thought she broke the bones around my eye. I can officially say I have 'seen stars'. Geez that hurt

jenyenc said...

It's a dangerous job. It should be featured on that Dirtiest Jobs show. And Deadliest Catch has nothing on mothering. At least they get paid well for their trouble.


Nicole said...

my son managed to kick me in the face while we were sleeping, his toe went right in my eye (don't ask how!) and he scratched my cornea! It hurt so bad, and it's not a nice wake up call either.

Mrs. S said...

I'd buy snot resistant clothing. I'm tired of being like "what is that streak?" oh yeah he has a runny nose today.

Yeah, if nurses are lucky in one way it's definitely scrubs. I was a nurse a few years ago for Halloween.

Nikki B. said...

Ok...either your time stamp is off...or you need psychiatric help!!! 5:16AM..AM? Seriously? Are you okay?

Jean said...

I'm ready to sign up for the protective mommy gear.
If you could make it fashionably cute yet pajama comfy that would be grreaatt.
I was just thinking this morning that they should make really comfy khaki pants that look sorta dressy but are comfy like yoga pants.

Keli said...

Ugh...I have hit in the eye so many times! It hurts! Sign me up for the gear!!

Jennifer said...

sign me up. lol
with one five year old boy and two three year old girls... there is NO way I could live with out the Mommy Haz Mat suit... to be honest... I'm not sure how I have survived this long.... maybe that is what is wrong with me... huh??

i might actually take two or three.


Heidi Zawisza said...

yes, count this close friend in!!! hee hee

Sus said...

holy cow, someone else got socked with a book this week! THAT is why i read other mom's blogs, for solidarity. Thank you. :)

I was also stabbed under the eye with a fork by my 18-month-old this week. Have a scar to prove it. Thank goodness I wear glasses.

Mother Goose said...

the more i poke around up in heeya I like it! you are funny!