Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No Soliciting

If you are a solicitor, I am sooo your lady. I just can not say no. So these two ladies come by today to sell me crap magazines. They are SO very manipulative smooth that their approach catches me totally off guard. Their is a leader and a follower and they stand far away from the door. You know, so they don't scare off their prey customer. And she starts smooth talking and reaches out her hand to shake mine. (bait the hook, snag the fish, reel her in) She starts going on & on about her organizations blah blah blah. That's where the door should have shut, even my toddler knows that, he was actually trying to shut the door on them. It was like he was channeling my husband at that moment. But not me, sweet, sucker Heidi. No, I spend 50 smackers on National Geographic Kids and if that isn't enough, they start asking me for bottled water. Seriously, I just gave you $50, you should be offering ME bottled water. I did hold my ground there and said NO. So then they ask for a restroom. A restroom, are you kidding me? Do you really think I am going to let some strange women into my home?

So after the first one uses the restroom, (yeah, I did it. *Mom, I am so sorry, I promise I did listen to every single speech you gave about Stranger Danger, I swear, but sometimes I just get so nervous that I can't help it. I am sure you are going to call me and give me the 'what for' on this one, but it's OK, I deserve it.) Well, the second one goes into the bathroom for like 10 minutes. No lie, the other one was standing in the foyer calling her name. At this time things that are going through my head: Is she putting a silencer on her gun to kill me? Is she doing drugs in there? Is she stealing my pumpkin shaped potpourri, because that would just make me so mad!!! But no, she was taking a crap! In MY bathroom, and reading MY magazines. And the other one has the nerve to ask me for a cup of water during this whole thing. I screamed no and threw them out politely handed her the water and asked her how long they had been working today. I am figuring it must have been hours the way they are so parched and full bladders. But no, 30 minutes! Are you shitting me?

I got hosed so bad! Why, why do I do these things to myself? Why can't I be mean, or at least stand up for myself? Ug. Now all night I am going to be paranoid that these people were just casing out the joint to come kill me. I have literally gotten up from the computer twice to check the locks on my doors since starting this post. I am a total freak, but on the flip side, a good neighbor. I called my neighbor and warned her not to fall into their trap. Score one for my side!

11 comments:

Leah said...

You are too funny. This totally describes me. I cannot say no to people! Even worse...my husband has a soft spot for solicitors as well. Must be how we ended up with a Kirby vacuum.

Maybe next time you can tell them the water is shut off. That eliminates the bathroom issue AND the drink of water...although not the bottled water. But it is a start!

andria said...

This is why we moved into a gated neighborhood with stiff penalties for soliciters.

I had some dude come to my old place and push his way inside to show me how I can clean my carpet with nothing more than a little vinegar water he was selling for eighty bucks! I told him I couldn't buy anything w/o my husband's consent because he might beat me otherwise. He still felt I really needed that crap cleaner.

Jean said...

I'm just as bad.
The thing I don't get is why wouldn't they bring their own bottled water? I totally lack that Southern charm to invite random strangers in my house for tea much less water.
The bathroom thing is just wrong on so many levels.

Heidi said...

I got them back though, I canceled my order. Ha! Take that moochers

Danielle (Life with the Hewitt Family) said...

You are so funny! I usually say no to these offers, but then it takes me hours to get over the guilt...

Lishak said...

Wow...talk about the soliciting experience from hell! I agree, the bathroom thing is sooooo wrong!

3 Men and Jen said...

Oh, the solicitors love me. I think they have secretly marked my house! I am just like you. I buy what they are selling to make everyone happy and then I cancel the order!! Love your blog. You are awesome to keep it up. It's refreshing to escape to someone else's life once in awhile!

One Mom said...

I'm glad these "ladies" don't come to my neighborhood! Better get a sign for your front door....just do it with a fall theme and it will fit in with your lovely decorations!

Alicia said...

Hi Heidi! Thanks for the comment on my blog! I'm always shocked when I get a comment.lol. Well, I'm glad you did because it made me go to yours! You are so funny, and you totally have writing skills!!!!!!! I'm adding you on my blog list because I was cracking up w/ this story!! Anyway...take care and have a wonderful day!! Alicia

Michelle said...

I'm the same way! I'm too "nice" and am afraid of coming across rude or something LOL That's one thing I like about living on base; people aren't allowed/supposed to solicit. Although we do occasionally get kids selling various things for school or whatever, but not that often.

tonya said...

I HATE solicitors! I don't know how prevalent it is where you live, but with the economy being what it is here, we were recently visited by one of those college-age magazine salesmen who was trying to case out our house. When I emailed our homeowners' association mailing list to be wary because something just did not seem right about this guy, three other people wrote back to say a man by the same description that day told them completely different stories and he tried to get people to open their doors more than once (so he could check out what kinds of nice stuff he could come back later to steal, I guess). SCARY! I feel like a real beeyotch, but I do not open the door to anyone I don't know, especially since I always have the kids with me.