For those of you who are looking for a good chuckle, it's fair to say that you can usually find one here, but today is probably not one of those days. I could tell you the crazy stuff my little man has been doing, or the sweet things my daughter has said this week. I could tell you the special little things my husband has done for me, or the friends that I have spent time with, but I'm not.
Every once in a while I feel like I am on this roller coaster that is way above my speed of comfort. I am fully aware that I chose to ride this coaster, I picked it out and said, "That one is for me, that's the experience I want to have," and it is, but there are times that I want to get off, just for a moment. I want the ride to slow down so I can see what I am speeding past, enjoy the scenery and take a breath. I want to look around and pause. But my roller coaster keeps going faster and faster with every soccer game, bus stop, play date. It just charges on. I feel myself going slowly and sluggishly up the hill every time I make out a grocery list and wonder what my son is going to be like in the store, and how much it is all going to cost. I feel it getting higher and higher and totally out of my control when I look at the mountains of laundry, dishes and toilets to clean. And then suddenly I am at the top of the ride, looking down and then zoom... faster than I can catch my breath, sometimes the bottom just all falls out. I feel helpless and carried along by this ride, again, the ride I have chosen.
I could have played it safe and chosen to sit and watch the others get on the ride, waiting for them to tell me all about it when they are done. I could have chosen a ride that goes slower, the Ferris wheel perhaps, that just stays constant, no peaks or valleys. Or perhaps the bungee jumping just free falling without anyone there to catch me. But I chose this one, and for all of it's ups and downs, twists and turns, I am happy I chose it. I am thankful I chose it and that I have met the requirements to go on it, but sometimes I just want it to stop and let me catch up. I want to feel a little more in control, not strapped in. I want to point it's way, but I guess life and roller coasters are meant to have their highs and lows, their loops and turns.
I am sure that when my ride is finished and I look at the person I chose to take the journey with I will be grateful that I chose such a complex weave of emotions all bottled up into one ride. If I had to, I would chose this ride again in a heartbeat, but every once in a while I will peek over at the Ferris wheel and think, what solace they must feel. But then my coaster will turn again and send me squealing with delight, and I will forget everything else in the world but the moment I am in, the ride that I am on.
Earning My Punishments
6 hours ago