Thursday, September 18, 2008

My Ride

For those of you who are looking for a good chuckle, it's fair to say that you can usually find one here, but today is probably not one of those days. I could tell you the crazy stuff my little man has been doing, or the sweet things my daughter has said this week. I could tell you the special little things my husband has done for me, or the friends that I have spent time with, but I'm not.

Every once in a while I feel like I am on this roller coaster that is way above my speed of comfort. I am fully aware that I chose to ride this coaster, I picked it out and said, "That one is for me, that's the experience I want to have," and it is, but there are times that I want to get off, just for a moment. I want the ride to slow down so I can see what I am speeding past, enjoy the scenery and take a breath. I want to look around and pause. But my roller coaster keeps going faster and faster with every soccer game, bus stop, play date. It just charges on. I feel myself going slowly and sluggishly up the hill every time I make out a grocery list and wonder what my son is going to be like in the store, and how much it is all going to cost. I feel it getting higher and higher and totally out of my control when I look at the mountains of laundry, dishes and toilets to clean. And then suddenly I am at the top of the ride, looking down and then zoom... faster than I can catch my breath, sometimes the bottom just all falls out. I feel helpless and carried along by this ride, again, the ride I have chosen.

I could have played it safe and chosen to sit and watch the others get on the ride, waiting for them to tell me all about it when they are done. I could have chosen a ride that goes slower, the Ferris wheel perhaps, that just stays constant, no peaks or valleys. Or perhaps the bungee jumping just free falling without anyone there to catch me. But I chose this one, and for all of it's ups and downs, twists and turns, I am happy I chose it. I am thankful I chose it and that I have met the requirements to go on it, but sometimes I just want it to stop and let me catch up. I want to feel a little more in control, not strapped in. I want to point it's way, but I guess life and roller coasters are meant to have their highs and lows, their loops and turns.

I am sure that when my ride is finished and I look at the person I chose to take the journey with I will be grateful that I chose such a complex weave of emotions all bottled up into one ride. If I had to, I would chose this ride again in a heartbeat, but every once in a while I will peek over at the Ferris wheel and think, what solace they must feel. But then my coaster will turn again and send me squealing with delight, and I will forget everything else in the world but the moment I am in, the ride that I am on.

13 comments:

Keli said...

Awwww....What a great story. I feel like that alot the these days myself! But, I'm with you, I wouldn't change a thing!

Kristin.... said...

It's going around. That feeling. Everyone I'm reading is feeling that way these days.

Shannon (muzbeecrazy.com) said...

I hear you. When I feel that way, I try to remember that this fast-paced life won't be forever. Our kids will grow up and we will probably be wishing for these roller coaster days again!

Mommy Daisy said...

What a great illustration. Life can be like that. But it is nice to have some slow times once in a while.

heidi said...

Sometimes you just gotta throw your hands up in the air, close your eyes and let out a scream.

I mean in keeping with the roller coaster analogy - not, like, in real life or anything. Well, okay - then too.

BTW - the day I laughed because your daredevil son was standing in the high chair in the middle of the night? Yeah. I was smoted, again. Corban dragged a dining chair over to the STOVE and was trying to turn it on. *sigh* So, many apologies for laughing at you. *sigh*

Bonnie said...

"I want to feel a little more in control, not strapped in."

That's it...exactly how you said it. It's llike I have no control over anything somedays. More than anything it would be nice for someone to take care of me for just a little while.

Thanks for commenting on my post today. The day's getting somewhat better.

Melanie said...

You know what? I think we're on the same ride.

http://livinwithme.com

Busymama Kellie said...

Eek, my roller coaster is just starting. The kids are getting older and they're going to have all their activities to demand all our attention. Sigh...

Lisa said...

I can totally relate.

Michelle said...

I think you summed up motherhood perfectly! And actually that is the theme of this year's MOPS - Adventures in Mothering and it is likened to carnival rides at different times of our lives!

Jean said...

We're all on this ride together in one way or another. I can't think of any other group of community or support that I would want to ride with on this roller coaster that is life.
Good post!

GoteeMan said...

Just got a flashback of that scene in "Parenthood" the movie....

You are blessed, indeed...

J/ (goteeman.blogspot.com)

Kim N said...

Well said. I feel like I am on the same rollercoaster. It is a scary one, but the thrills and joy it brings are well worth it.